13:01: Woke up in an Aperture facility; I should know, I’m a PLATINUM FOUR designer. I see those gray and white panels in my nightmares. Horrifically, I’m awake.
One of the alternate Caves must be running low on subjects. Unless there’s been another cascade resonance. God forbid.
I know how this works. I’ll have to navigate from room to room, solving puzzles and hoping to find a rift back to Earth Prime before I starve. Worse, some of the tests are deadly. Who knows how good the designers are in this dimension? There might be impossible tests.
As an Aperture Employee, it’s my duty to record my observations about the tests, so they can be recovered by AIs in the likely event of my death, and justice meted appropriately per Employee Handbook 17: GOOD DESIGNERS AREN’T TEST SUBJECTS.
The handbook must be different on this Earth, since obviously I’m a great designer and someone put me into the labyrinth.
13:19: “The Hardest Test Chamber Ever.” This does not bode well. Either GlaD0s herself designed the next chamber, and is taunting me, or a designer without her built-in QMS programs that verify every test is solvable.
The placard only shows a cube dropper, though. Irony?
13:20: Room is lit only by observation window and is default size. A pedestal button drops a cube directly onto one of those red weighted plates.
13:21: Exit opened. What a disappointment. Wheatley could have done better.
13:22: The next room is labeled “quick test” but is filled with objects: Stairs, elevators, lights. There’s a pedestal button on the wall…sticking out sideways. You’d have to walk on the wall to press it! Are the rules of gravity different here?
Let’s see how to use these blocks to turn off some lasers. Some things here can actually kill me.
13:25: Climbed one of two elevators…wall button just out of reach. Can’t tell what to do from up here. There is a single portalable ceiling tile, though. Flinging? Seems dangerous near the laser grill.
13:28: Not flinging. Thank God. Box-dropping. Wall button reached!
13:32: Crossed the laserwall. Portaling a box back into the discouragement beam was enough to signal the final elevator. Success!
13:43: “Aperture Basic Course 1.” Uh oh. If the tests called “hard” are too easy on this Earth, the starting courses might be impossible. Or they might be toying with me. Onward!
13:45: Had a look around. I’m completely FRAKKED. There are at least four turrets, a laser wall, deadly goo. Plenty of traps to create one dead designer. That orange gel that makes you fast. Sure, I’ve put it in my own puzzles, but they wear HEV suits on some of these worlds. I’m sure the test subjects aren’t actually covered in the awful stuff.
I miss Megan. I hope she’s safe on Earth Prime. Also, I’m getting hungry.
13:50: There’s a turret AND a companion cube right beside me, blocked by glass. This designer has a sick sense of humor, I can tell. Also, he didn’t remove the dropper for the trapped companion cube, so he might be a novice.
New designer, and everything around me is deadly. Yeehaw.
There’s a rumor that chances of your death increase ~33% for each companion cube you encounter. But I find it unlikely I’ll survive even this chamber.
13:52: Every surface I can reach looks like a trap; steps down to a lower level that are too high to climb. There is ONE panel beside me I can portal; nowhere else I can see. Just turrets in the distance and ledges and weird elevations.
Any move I can make feels like a gamble.
13:55: Shit. This looks like a flinging and speed puzzle. There’s a portalable panel below, surrounded by deadly goo, with a turret facing. Further across and higher, propulsion gel spews onto a plate that I bet I can warp onto what looks like a runway.
13:57: Cannot portal the goo. Great. My one lead evaporated.
13:58: Cautiously making my way down. I think I can get behind that turret.
13:58: SNAGGED it! Whew. I got a chill when it said, “activating!” in that childlike voice. But I’m safely behind. Going to carefully step to the edge of this sludge, now…good riddance to bad rubbish.
13:59: Well, great. The turret’s gone but I’m surrounded by laser fields, deadly sludge, and there are no portal walls I can see. There’s a floor on a different island, but I can’t jump that far.
14:01: I’m going to chance that jump. I have to. I can’t see anything else I can do, and if I stay here, I’ll starve. Wish me luck.
14:02: MADE IT! What a relief. This puzzle sure has me jumpy. Ok, white floor beneath, so perhaps I can portal somewhere safer. Let’s see.
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TICKET ||0004911041138: //Quality review of chamber “Aperture Basic Course I”
Department of Death and Dismemberment
Designer 1138’s notes:
I’m not sure how I can make the initial fling more obvious. Portal below, portal behind. Novices know this. I crossed that entire pit in two seconds in simulation. The turrets across the chasm are easily dispatched with portals beneath, box on button and onward. Warp back to the beginning, turn left, beat the maze to find the other box, activate the timer while avoiding the traps.
I’m really not sure how to make it any easier.
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