Tag Archives: Cult

The day I juggled four identities.

Roleplaying an Imperial Agent isn’t easy.  You’re immediately instructed to be someone else to infiltrate an organization.

I’m a real person at a keyboard pretending to be Jelara, an Imperial Agent in the world of Star Wars, a woman vastly different from myself:

  • She IS a woman; I occasionally I act like one.
  • Incredible markswoman; I failed rifle marksmanship.
  • Fiercely loyal to the empire; I’m a libertarian.
  • Will sacrifice anyone and anything for her ambition…I’m probably not less evil, I’m just lazier.
  • She is EEEEEVVVVVVIIIILLLL

But Jelara is pretending to be a bounty hunter to infiltrate a Hutt agency. In-universe, she’s even told to lose the Imperial Accent, so in reality the voice actress sports an American accent undercover, British when speaking to fellow operatives. (The Star Wars universe implies brits are evil!)

Later, you must impersonate a cult initiate to learn the identity of a subversive group. That particular mission is available to all Empire characters, not just agents, so completing it as an agent adds complexity: Which identity had I assumed before I was assigned the mission? Was I Jelara, Imperial Agent? The Red Blade, a good-natured bounty hunter? An imperial officer of unspecified rank? Which of these faces is now pretending to be a cult initiate?

And when I answer questions, am I answering as the cult initiate, or my main character?

This question occurs often, moreso because not all identities are part of Intel Operations. Whenever a Sith Lord issues orders, I become a spineless sycophant, to the disgust of my commanding officer. Because conversations only take place “on the rails,” there’s no opportunity to inform my superior I’m just playing toady to win Sith trust — Jelara doesn’t actually buy their mad schemes. She’s too level-headed.

Likewise, companions always react to dialog as if Jelara really believes what she’s saying. You can’t explain, “That was all bullshit to see what information he had. NOW we can kill him.” 

It all points to my skill as an operative, really. I can remember when I’m pretending to be someone else, even if my companions forgot I’m just pretending and my superior officer doesn’t understand bootlicking.

So I take pride in double TRIPLE QUADRUPLE Q U I N T U P L E-guessing every dialog option before answering such complicated questions as, “Who are you?”

I’m a good agent. How good?

The man you know as Jason is just a façade.

 

Why in the name of Hyperion’s left elbow would I buy a Mac when…

macpcMac users are always trying to get me to buy a Macintosh product. This alone is bizarre, as though Mac users are proselytizing members of some hardware architecture cult. I certainly don’t approach owners of other brand names trying to convince them that MY television, MY blu-ray player, MY surround-sound system, MY computer (or anything else) is better than theirs, thus they should switch — even if I’m thrilled with my own choice (as I am, for example, with my HDTV and blu-ray player). When someone comes to me for advice, I’m happy to recommend brands I like and caution against others. But by and large what others buy is their own business.

Why Mac users feel differently is beyond my comprehension.

In truth, I would love to own a Mac for no other reason than I could use Garage Band software. Macs, however, (for a lower-middle-class apartment dweller like myself) are cost-prohibitive. Furthermore, I’m a gamer, and Mac gamers have to wait anywhere from 6 months to 2 years for the release of content already available for windows.

I would still be tempted to buy a Mac if not for one thing:

My Ipod doesn’t work like it should.

To see why this doubly concerns me, you need to consider what an Ipod is: Nothing more than a (relatively) small hard drive with a basic operating system/application fit over the top to provide some user interface.

spec-vs-compIn other words, an Ipod is a very small, very simple computer.

It has less parts, no other programs, and doesn’t interact with any peripherals except those which simply duplicate what it’s transmitting. There aren’t multiple drives or power sources or partitians or cables. You don’t need to edit the registry or open a task manager or install additional applications or designate login information.

All things being equal, an Ipod should run easier and smoother than any computer known to man, because it is a simpler device. A single wheel is more likely to function correctly than a whole automobile. A lawnmower is easier to repair than a car. The simpler any object or system, the easier it is to run.

My Ipod is borked six ways from Sunday.

  • Navigating movies often freezes it after the first movie. Only a hard reset will allow me to continue navigating.
  • Sometimes, the Ipod refuses to turn off. It ceases responding to any buttons (including the combination for a hard reset) and the only way to turn it off are to let the batteries drain completely.
  • The Ipod will freeze Itunes during an attempt to sync with a computer.

Furthermore, all of the above problems have been true of at least three different kinds of Ipodmac-vs-pcfats I used, and with each installation of the Ipod and Itunes software each time.

When someone can’t create a working wagon, would you trust them to create a working automobile?

Furthermore, the “Mac vs. PC’ propoganda is hilarious. According to their various commercials and pictures, “PC”s are bloated, disfunctional, and crippled.

Do you know what “PC” stands for?

(P)ERSONAL (C)OMPUTER.

Do you know what a Macintiosh is?

A personal computer.

pcwiremessYou see, what they’re trying to say is that WINDOWS PCs are everything that is wrong with the world. But they can’t, because it isn’t true, and if they did they’d get sued (and rightfully so). So they keep the generic term now used to refer to Windows and Windows-compatible architecture, but the acronym simply means “personal computer”.

I guess Macs either aren’t personal or else they aren’t computers. Either way, I don’t want one until they can make an Ipod that works.